UPDATE 2020! Mary has relocated to Toronto, Canada. You can find information about Canadian weddings at ElopeToronto.com I'm keeping this blog because I've been told it's very helpful for couples in New York! If you need a wedding officiant in New York or Toronto, email me at MaryBeaty (at) gmail (dot) com, and I'll try to help. Best wishes! Stay safe!

Sunday

You need witnesses for a City Hall wedding

Just a reminder! A couple called us last week because they went to be married at City Hall and did not have their witnesses (usually two, but at least one legally required, over 18, must have ID) and were turned away. And no, they do NOT provide witnesses for you, should you arrive without any of your own.

You need to bring your witness/es (and rings, for some weird reason) to a City Hall wedding. You cannot make a reservation or an appointment, you just wait in line in the hallway for your turn with the judge. You'll know whether you want to do this when you go through the license application process. The new accommodations at the Tweed Courthouse are quite nice - and a good solution for some couples.

Of course if you prefer a private wedding or elopement, or wish to write your own vows, or to be married at your own location (or even down the block, at City Hall Park by the fountain), or at a different time than the Courthouse is open, we'll help you. Just contact us and we'll be happy to make suggestions about a personalized or private ceremony. But however you get married -- CONGRATULATIONS!

Friday

Weddings on Boats


We had a SUPER wedding last Friday - friends of the groom arranged a small launch to take us into NY Harbor with a view of the Statue of Liberty, and we performed the wedding at sunset in the tiny back of the boat. Quite memorable (if rather rocky!) A few warnings: You need permission to get close to the SofL, so a chartered boat or registered harbor cruise is a good choice. Also: you can have the CEREMONY ITSELF on a boat (including a public boat like the Staten Island Ferry or any other ferry), but you must officially SIGN THE LICENSE on terra firma, with a real street address. You must be in NY for a NY license, not New Jersey. The same goes for weddings on bridges, hot air balloons, or anything where your feet are not on a real NY intersection. Alternatively, consider holding the ceremony FIRST on the docks, perhaps, or a restaurant with a water view, and then embarking on your wedding cruise and reception. Bon Voyage!
(Note: - no weddings are permitted AT the Statue of Liberty itself, as all tours must be booked with a ranger. Choose a wedding site on terra firma with a nice view of Lady Liberty - we suggest Wagner Park.

New York traffic - getting to the wedding on time


New York is a laid out on a grid. Most of the time, you will be moving directly North/South, East/West (except for the older parts of the city down by Wall Street and Greenwich village, where things still wind around upon themselves). It's important to get oriented in the city, and understand commuting times. You also need to get a sense of scale. People often ask us if they should take a taxi from the Ladies Pavilion or Strawberry Fields in Central Park to the Tavern on the Green. No, it's a simple and pleasant stroll. Central Park IS the size of Monaco - but you rarely walk the whole park. You can cross it in 10-12 minutes.

Most of the time, you will be calculating the distance up or down or East and West from the center of the city (Midtown, 42-57 street) and 5th Avenue which demarcates East and West. In many cases, it is MUCH easier and quicker to walk than to take the subway, and usually much faster to walk/subway than taking a taxi. There are many taxi jokes in NY movies, and the Die Harder movie with Bruce Willis is my favourite. They commandeer a taxi, and his partner says - "Are you crazy - how can you get across town at rush hour?" so Bruce simply drives the taxi up on the grass in Central Park and cuts through.

North/South blocks in Manhattan are very short - there are 20 of them to the mile. They are mostly numbered streets - 42nd Street, etc. The numbers increase as you go north. East/West blocks are long, so 5th Avenue to 6th Avenue takes twice as long to walk as 41st to 46th street. The algorithm to find a NY address is simple, it is found in any telephone directory, and here is one Manhattan Street locator, and here is another. Use Googlemaps for walking, and Hopstop.com for subway directions. Google now has subway directions (in beta).

Thursday

Terra firma and flights of fancy


Can you be married in a hot air balloon? (I just got a phone call about this - before you all rush to Central Park to get married this week, all the appointments are booked).
Can you be married in a helicopter?
Can you be married on Liberty Island? or the Staten Island ferry?

Yes -- and no. You can have the wedding ceremony all of these places - but you must SIGN the license in a specific location ON THE GROUND. NY requires a street address for the wedding location. So get out of the balloon gondola, and go over and sign the license on a park bench, with the address 72nd Street and Central Park West -- or the closest intersection. Get out of the helicopter and sign the license at the street nearest the helipad. Get off the ferry and sign the license EITHER on the Staten Island end, or the Manhattan end. Come back from Liberty island and sign the license in Battery park (near a street intersection). You'll always have your memories of saying your vows 500 feet over Central Park - and then signing the legal bits with your wobbly feet back on the ground.

Tuesday

Central Park weddings: Event Calendar

Don't forget to check the Central Park Event Calendar when planning a park wedding. On Saturday, the free Bon Jovi concert starts at 8 - 60,000 people on the Great Lawn. But they're letting them IN starting at 2pm. We're having a small wedding at 11 - and plan to be long gone.

Always watch for the marathons, the 1/2 marathons, the walks, the concerts -- the parades and holiday celebrations - it makes for delays with your taxis, crowds, and of course concert noise. It's a big park, so you can always get away and find room, but it's best to be aware of what else is happening.

UPDATE: So the park was frozen (locked down) at 4am. When we got there, the cattle gates were up from 86-59. Always be very nice to NY cops - you never know! We chatted with the men on gate duty, explained that the bride and groom's parents were coming from Tokyo, and that we had the location booked. They were very sympathetic, asked their super, who thought it was romantic, and they sneaked us in the barrier, and we had a great wedding in the Shakespeare garden - completely private. They posed with the wedding party, one of the cops asked me if I'd renew his wedding vows, and all the cops along the root shouted 'congratulations' as we left. They were also mad, because this was an unscheduled event, and they had to work double shifts. And somehow, everybody in NY loves weddings - we've had lots of cooperation through the years from strangers. Give it a try.

Thursday

Impromptu Wedding Locations

Well, if it's only 4-6 of you - you can really truly set out and DECIDE where you want to be married as you go. You need the couple, the officiant, at least ONE witness (the photographer will do, or your two best friends), walking shoes and a nice day.

With Marriage License in hand, agree to meet in the general location: at one of the gates to Central Park (lower, middle or upper park, East or West side), or somewhere on the Brooklyn Promenade, at Riverside Park by Columbia, down on the Waterfront at Battery Park, or on the Hudson promenade/park, on the Red Hook waterfront, at the approach to the Brooklyn Bridge, outside the marriage bureau at 1 Centre Street (head towards City Hall park, probably), and then wander. Central Park is the most fun, but other waterfront areas are also rewarding - despite the fact that so much development has blocked off some of the grittier little beaches and secret places. City Island is mostly paved over, though Pelham Park is vast, and has secret areas. The Highline is no longer the weedy oasis of lost days, and DUMBO is just too cool for school. Highbridge park, though that's still possible - but some of it is closed off ...

But you could hire a carriage, get out and feed the horse a carrot, and pick your spot. You could rent a boat on the lake in Central Park and row yourselves to a quiet nook. You could wander over the Brooklyn Bridge until you find a corner less packed with tourists (or just wait until they pass by). You could go have dinner in a nice little restaurant (esp. with a little garden in the back) order a nice bottle of wine, stand up and .... get married.

You could ride the wonder wheel at Coney Island and say "I do" when it gets to the top and swings back and forth (not recommended, I just wanted to see if you were listening). Get OFF the Wonder Wheel and walk down towards Manhattan Beach and find a nice place by the breakers. Get on the LIRR to Long Beach and walk to the dunes. Or rent a kayak, or go ice skating or roller skating in summer -- you can't ride horses in Central Park any more -- (though the neglected Kensington Stables near Prospect Park offers an option).

Other ideas - Madison Park, by the fountain (in front of the Flatiron building). Avoid the Shake Shack. Wagner Park (by Battery Park City), beautiful view of the Statue of Liberty, also Bowling Green. City Hall park by the Fountain. The boardwalk at the Seaport, with the view of the Brooklyn Bridge and the tall ships.

You could spend the 24 hours after you obtain your license just walking about the city, a good New York tradition. Find a small cafe, find a small park -- And get married. Have fun!

Central Park in Spring - Locations for wedding ceremonies

Central Park NY Ladies Pavilion Here are some of our favorite spots for weddings in City Parks. The ladies pavilion at Hernshead is the most popular, and is therefore best for a mid-week ceremony. It is quite small, and is really best for 6-8 people.AVOID ON SATURDAYS from May-Oct, because of a very loud amplified busker on the bank below.

Central Park, The ObeliskThe Obelisk is behind the Metropolitan Museum. In the spring, it is approached through an avenue of cherry trees and is stunning. Ample parking in the Museum parking lot, so good for elderly guests. A short ways away is a nice lawn with a stone bench, also suitable for a standing wedding, and if you continue further up the path, you can reach the dancing terrace below the Belvedere castle, which slopes down to the pool, and has a view of the castle.

Central Park, Belvedere Castle The Belvedere Castle does not permit weddings inside or on the balcony, but it is possible to use the Shakespeare Garden below the castle, or to stand in the pergolas overlooking the Delacorte Shakespeare Theatre and the Turtle Pond.

There are the two little covered pergolas on the Belvedere Terrace, one overlooking the Delacorte Theatre (the castle is hidden between them). Remember that this is a tourist location, and it will be constantly busy on a warm weekend.

Central Park Shakespeare Garden Here is the Shakespeare Garden, which has a nice sundial in the middle. PLEASE NOTE that this location is only suitable for 6-10 people - the garden itself is quite small, and the ground slopes around the sundial and the tree is low. For a larger group (15-20) go up the hill to the Belvedere terrace in front of the castle - see the pergolas above.

Other overlooked spots are: The Harlem Meer, The Loch, Cop Cot by 59th street (be sure to book), parts of the Ramble overlooking the lake (under reconstruction), and several of the little rustic shelters, also two shelters over on the 5th avenue side.

Don't forget the "other" park designed by Olmsted and Vaux! The vale of Kasmir is in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. Prospect Park Vale of Kasmir It is isolated and quiet and absolutely magical. (note: this lovely spot is now neglected and being re-built, good if you like ruins, though!). You can book some specified spots in Prospect Park, or just assemble with a small group under the trees, or by the lake. But avoid the beginning of May, which is the Cherry Blossom Festival in the Botanic Gardens - quite a mob!

Saturday

What is the minimum requirement for a wedding ceremony?

We are asked this repeatedly, by couples who are eloping, or who just want to have a basic legal wedding ceremony, without any fuss. We've answered it in several places, but here is another rundown, just to be helpful.

To be legally married, you don't need the rings, the music, the bridesmaids, you need just 5 things:

1. The Statement - of the proper names of the persons who have come to be married, so we know we have the right people. ("We are gathered here for the wedding of [name] and [name]")

2. The Intention - "Are you, [name] here of your own free will, and do you intend to marry [name]. This is the "I do" that you answer individually, in front of witnesses, either 2, or 200 of them.

In the UK and a few other countries, you then say "Is there anyone present who has any reason why this couple may not lawfully be joined?" In most US States, this question is answered when you fill out your license, indicating the disposition of any prior marriages, divorces, etc. your age, and whether you are too closely related to be married. This means you do not have to repeat this question at a wedding ceremony.

3. The vow: "I [name] take you [name] to be my lawfully wedded husband/wife". You are speaking to your intended spouse, not to the minister, and not to the witnesses, as in step 2. You have turned to face each other, and this is your promise to become each other's legal partner.You may say this in your own words, and there are many variants.

4. The Signing: The officiant and the witness/es sign the license and date it (sometimes to the second, in a state where you have a waiting period). The Bride and Groom may sign as well, depending upon the license. They have already signed when they applied for the license.

5. The declaration: "In front of these witnesses, this couple has declared their intention to join their lives in marriage..and we now accept them as husband and wife".

Make sure your ceremony has these basic, minimal parts, and that your officiant is properly licensed, and that they file the license on time with the state issuing agency.
If you are having a civil ceremony and planning another ceremony later, you can just do these 5 steps, and leave the rings and blessings till a second ceremony. Just add the procession, flowergirls, readings, blessings, candles, music, etc. and you have the full Monty wedding service.

Sunday

How long is a wedding ceremony?

This is a frequent question, and I answered on it Yahoo Answers yesterday, with a bit of humour, I hope! Here's the basic answer, with the timings. You can use this info for an elopement, as well as a basic barebones wedding ceremony.

A basic civil ceremony is 7 minutes in City Hall, 13-18 minutes with an officiant, because it's the bridesmaids, music, prayers, mass, sermon, etc. which add the extra time to a wedding. I usually tell people they can have the "2 subway stop wedding" (8 minutes, if you're between 2 stops in New York), or the "3 stop" (15 minutes) or the "bus ride" (half an hour, cross-town traffic in NY). Anything longer, and people are starting to get hungry and fidget.

A basic ceremony consists of the following parts. (A legal ceremony can be held with 5 parts, the Statement of the names of the couple, the Intention, the Vows, the Signing and the Declaration).

THE GATHERING: (seating the guests, or gathering round on the beach/under a tree, etc.)
THE PROCESSION: (Bride and Groom and officiant walk to the front, 1 minute) OR the parents and the grandparents and the groom's party and the 15 bridesmaids and the junior bride and the junior bridesmaid and the 3 cute kids with the flower petals and FINALLY the bride walk into to music - this can take 15-20 minutes).
THE WELCOME, STATEMENT OF THE NAMES OF THE COUPLE WHO HAVE COME TO BE MARRIED: (1-3 minutes)
THE FAMILY BLESSING: (this used to be "who gives this woman to be married", but now it's usually a short request for the family to bless the wedding, mention of any absent family, lighting of candles or short moment of silence for anyone who has died). In an elopement or small private wedding, we might mention family or friends who are not present. (3 minutes, optional)
THE READINGS: (can be religious or poetry, or a piece of music. This is basically a break/transition and a good time to seat late guests) (2-4 minutes, optional)
THE INTENTION: "Is it your intention to take this person as your husband/wife"? (1 minute)
A SHORT STATEMENT ON MARRIAGE or the CHARGE TO THE COUPLE: ( 1-2 minutes). This is the part where the officiant states that this is not a barbecue, picnic, or engagement, but a marriage ceremony. Often includes a short reading.
VOWS: (1-2 minutes)
RING EXCHANGE/VOWS: (1-2 minutes). The ring exchange is optional.
BLESSING, 2nd READING, UNITY CANDLE, WINE BLESSING, SAND CEREMONY, etc. ; any one of several optional ceremonies to demonstrate the newly married state of the couple (optional 2-4 minutes))
PRONOUNCEMENT/DECLARATION: "In front of us all this couple have pledged their vows...and it is with the authority vested in me, that I declare they are man and wife." (30 seconds)
KISS: (length to be determined)
PRESENTATION: "I have the honor to present to you...) 15 seconds. Lots of clapping and excitement, (15 seconds).
RECESSIONAL: (reverse order, everybody goes out, taking as long as you like, but faster than the processional)
Add the SIGNING OF THE LICENSE: which can be done before the wedding, during the wedding (4 minutes) or after.
DECLARATION: (follows the signing), in which case the PRESENTATION is shortened, and the 2nd half of the sentence -- "By the authority invested in me.. I have the honor to present.." is used at this time.
TOTAL time: 14-18 minutes.

Saturday

How to Elope in New York, step-by-step

Central Park wedding

Here is our most popular post. This information is for New York City. Note that "A Marriage License issued in New York City can be used anywhere within New York State but may not be used outside New York State." So, you can get your license in Rochester or Long Island and use it in NYC. Also - you cannot use a marriage license from ANOTHER STATE in New York. Seems obvious, but some people still ask...

HOW TO ELOPE IN NEW YORK CITY:

1. Find partner. Propose. Rinse and repeat.
2. Decide on Date and time, start thinking about location and rain location, if outdoors.
3. Find all your IDs (passport, drivers license, birth certificate, divorce papers if relevant, etc.)
4. Decide if either of you will change your name.
5. Buy a $35 Money Order at a drugstore - cheaper than a bank. You can now pay for your license by credit card, and you may even APPLY ONLINE for your license, up to 20 days ahead. This is a good idea, as it minimizes typos on the license (unless YOU make them).
6. Go to one of the New York Marriage Bureau offices and apply for your marriage license. It is good for 60 days, and there is a waiting period of 24 hours before you can be legally married. If you have applied online, you must still go together and confirm your identities and certify the application.
7. If you have been divorced or widowed, have documents and information regarding the previous marriage and spouse. You MUST disclose all previous marriages, including those in other countries.
8. If you wish to be married at any City Hall, enquire when you apply for your license. They do not take appointments, but exactly 24 hours after they timestamp your license, you may line up at any bureau office (including the new facilities at 141 Worth street) with your witnesses and be married by the civil judge. The ceremony is simple, and they advise you the length is 2 minutes, so it's quick, except for the unpredictable wait and lining up :-)

To be married outside City Hall, or after 3:45 M-F, you must FIND A MARRIAGE OFFICIANT who is LEGALLY REGISTERED WITH CITY HALL TO CONDUCT MARRIAGES in NEW YORK CITY. The rules are a bit stricter to become a licensed officiant for NYC than in smaller cities in the state - so don't assume your officiant is registered here  Once you find one, you may ask for their registration number.  If you wish, you can call City Hall with the officiant's license number to make sure they are registered: 212-669-2778.
9. Choose your legal witness(es), 2 persons over age 18, or ask your Marriage Officiant to secure a witness. You need a witness for City Hall, too.
10. Buy a ring or two (not actually required by law)
11. Buy some flowers (or not - your choice, but nice :-)
12. Discuss your ceremony wishes with the officiant (if being married outside of City Hall). You can usually ask for sample ceremonies, and discuss writing your own vows, or other personal touches.
13. 24 hours+ after #6, meet your officiant, exchange your vows, exchange your rings, pledge your lives into the others keeping. Kiss.
14. Sign the license. Witnesse(s) sign the license. Officiant signs license with official date and time.
15. The officiant will congratulate you, and take back the signed license and THEY WILL FILE IT FOR YOU. It will be mailed back to you in about 4 weeks. (Though we have had to wait longer than this when they get behind).
[Note: if you need the license immediately, you can return to the Manhattan Marriage Bureau at 141 Worth the next working day with the signed license, and they will check it and issue you a marriage certificate, for a fee. This is only possible if you apply for your license in Manhattan, and it is not an advertised service. They prefer to send the license by mail.]
16. Pop the champagne, and celebrate your new union!

Tuesday

Should you elope or have a big wedding - or both?

In ancient times, people got 'married' by the bride moving to the husband's house (or, of course, in some cultures, the reverse). Gifts were exchanged, cattle and clothing and bread and food. The community understood that this was a family unit.

Later, a civil or religious officiant would legalize/ solemnize/ bless the marriage, by conducting some sort of rite. In the middle ages, a traveling priest might come by the village and marry everyone in the spring, and baptize all the new babies, all at the same time.

In Celtic areas, the couple might be handfasted for a year and a day, and then decide to become legally married at the end of that time. The traditions of the Jewish ketubah, or the Quaker marriage certificate and other ceremonies which involve the guests and parents signing a ceremonial document are related the traditions of how the community views the moral and legal obligations of the couple toward each other.

In Jewish tradition, a couple usually signs the ketubah before the ceremony. The ketubah is written in Aramaic, and the bride and groom write their Hebrew names in the blanks in the marriage contract, then the rabbi signs the contract. Modern Ketubahs may have English decorations, and many are unique works of art. Some have spaces for the family and witnesses to sign at the reception.

In Quaker tradition, the bride and groom sign a large, beautiful Marriage Certificate, which is then also signed by all the family and guests. This involves the community, and makes the marriage binding to each of its witnesses as well as to the couple. The certificate is usually framed and placed in the home.

The LEGAL part of a marriage ceremony does not require the community to be there - or the parents, or the friends. A witness will do - but that witness is 'representing' the community, and civil society. When couples choose to be legally married in an 'elopement', they often have a wedding ceremony or a wedding blessing or a family party later. Sometimes this is for practical reasons, such as visas running out, or travel, or scattered family members, so a couple will have two ceremonies on different continents - one legal, one ceremonial. Sometimes this is done on the same day in a second marriage, such as the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla, which was a civil ceremony followed by a service of blessing.

A couple may have a private wedding for personal reasons, with a marriage announcement at a later date. And some couples pledge their troth to each other in a commitment ceremony, without a legal component, just an ethical one. Some have handfasting (or betrothal) ceremonies which they consider binding. A vow renewal is an example of a wedding ceremony without a legal ceremony, as well.

If you are having two ceremonies, a legal, private wedding and a future wedding blessing with a larger group of friends or family, you can save your rings for the second ceremony, perhaps, and have a Wedding Blessing and a Blessing of Rings for your second ceremony. Your family might also like to participate in the second Wedding Blessing, offering readings or blessings or a candle-lighting or other appropriate rituals.

Some cultural traditions also have several separate ceremonies on several days. Some of these ceremonies are vestiges of earlier village rituals, where the bride or groom makes a journey to the house of the new relatives, and offers food or gifts (such as the Tea Ceremony, in some Asian cultures, and the large Wedding Banquet with the required special courses.) The modern wedding showers and rehearsal dinners are vestiges of these earlier rituals.

Our grandparents were often married at home, or went off to the registry office to be married in a bigger city, and returned home for the wedding reception. Our modern elaborate weddings are not as old a tradition as they sometimes seem.

This is YOUR decision. You can combine the legal and the ceremonial events, or hold them separately,and at separate times, or hold only one part - the legal wedding or the wedding ceremony. Your officiant will always be happy to discuss these variations with you, and help you through the planning for each.

Monday

Wet weather wedding accessories


A little rain on a wedding day is very good luck. In Sweden, a thunderstorm is even better luck, because the sound scares away the trolls. Swedish couples stamp on the ground if the weather is sunny, to create a little wedding luck by imitating thunder.

But if the weather is cloudy and misty and it looks like sprinkles for your outdoor elopement, go to Chinatown. I like Pearl River Trading, in Soho, just on the edge of Canal Street. Go to the basement and get some $10 waterproofed paper Chinese umbrellas. You can get different colors for bridesmaids, moms, etc. They look lovely, and can be kept as keepsakes, and are much more festive than big black umbrellas or sport umbrellas. They're also good for sunny weddings.

Tuesday

A New York Wedding - About Us

[UPDATE 2020:  Mary has relocated to Canada, and can be reached at ElopeToronto.com]

Mary has married over 500 couples in New York City, and many weddings were romantic 'elopements' - couples who decided to have a small wedding ceremony with family or friends, or just by themselves. Mary specializes in civil, non-denominational weddings that are simple and meaningful. I also represent other civil chaplains, who all conduct simple, non-religious weddings in the same manner and style.

International weddings: New York is the the crossroads of the world: many couples who choose a New York City wedding are international, so some weddings are in translation or may include cross-cultural elements. New York allows couples from any country to be legally married at any location - not just City Hall or a chapel or church or mosque or synagogue - so we often conduct ceremonies in Central Park, or on the Brooklyn Bridge, or Coney Island, in small restaurants, art galleries, hotel rooms, or other unusual venues which provide a unique, romantic setting.

Elopements: Eloping is simply the term used for a private wedding, where a couple has a small, intimate wedding, often in a destination different from their usual home address. Sometimes a close friend or family member serves as a witness, and then the couple has an 'at home' or wedding celebration at a later date. (Technically, you can 'elope' at home - we can come to your home or apartment and marry you in a quiet civil ceremony, and you can then zip away to an exotic destination, or simply go out to dinner, in your newly married state. That's a 'home honeymoon').