Two handsome grooms, indeed. Central Park Wedding by Eileen. Photos by Beowulf weddings.
That's totally up to you! But it would be a GOOD IDEA to take your sunglasses off for the ceremony - it's only 10 minutes out of your entire life, after all. It might be nice to look into your partner's eyes for that split second of commitment.
This is a personal decision, of course - and the decision should be unanimous between the couple.
In ancient times, people got 'married' by the bride moving to the husband's house (or, of course, in some cultures, the reverse). Gifts were exchanged, cattle and clothing and bread and food. The community understood that this was a family unit.
Later, a civil or religious officiant would legalize/ solemnize/ bless the marriage, by conducting some sort of rite. In the middle ages, a traveling priest might come by the village and marry everyone in the spring, and baptize all the new babies, all at the same time.
In Celtic areas, the couple might be handfasted for a year and a day, and then decide to become legally married at the end of that time. The traditions of the Jewish ketubah, or the Quaker marriage certificate and other ceremonies which involve the guests and parents signing a ceremonial document are related the traditions of how the community views the moral and legal obligations of the couple toward each other.
In Jewish tradition, a couple usually signs the ketubah before the ceremony. The ketubah is written in Aramaic, and the bride and groom write their Hebrew names in the blanks in the marriage contract, then the rabbi signs the contract. Modern Ketubahs may have English decorations, and many are unique works of art. Some have spaces for the family and witnesses to sign at the reception.
In Quaker tradition, the bride and groom sign a large, beautiful Marriage Certificate, which is then also signed by all the family and guests. This involves the community, and makes the marriage binding to each of its witnesses as well as to the couple. The certificate is usually framed and placed in the home.
The LEGAL part of a marriage ceremony does not require the community to be there - or the parents, or the friends. A witness will do - but that witness is 'representing' the community, and civil society. When couples choose to be legally married in an 'elopement', they often have a wedding ceremony or a wedding blessing or a family party later. Sometimes this is for practical reasons, such as visas running out, or travel, or scattered family members, so a couple will have two ceremonies on different continents - one legal, one ceremonial. Sometimes this is done on the same day in a second marriage, such as the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla, which was a civil ceremony followed by a service of blessing.
A couple may have a private wedding for personal reasons, with a marriage announcement at a later date. And some couples pledge their troth to each other in a commitment ceremony, without a legal component, just an ethical one. Some have handfasting (or betrothal) ceremonies which they consider binding. A vow renewal is an example of a wedding ceremony without a legal ceremony, as well.
If you are having two ceremonies, a legal, private wedding and a future wedding blessing with a larger group of friends or family, you can save your rings for the second ceremony, perhaps, and have a Wedding Blessing and a Blessing of Rings for your second ceremony. Your family might also like to participate in the second Wedding Blessing, offering readings or blessings or a candle-lighting or other appropriate rituals.
Some cultural traditions also have several separate ceremonies on several days. Some of these ceremonies are vestiges of earlier village rituals, where the bride or groom makes a journey to the house of the new relatives, and offers food or gifts (such as the Tea Ceremony, in some Asian cultures, and the large Wedding Banquet with the required special courses.) The modern wedding showers and rehearsal dinners are vestiges of these earlier rituals.
Our grandparents were often married at home, or went off to the registry office to be married in a bigger city, and returned home for the wedding reception, with pot luck food and the parlor decorated. Our modern elaborate weddings are not as old a tradition as they sometimes seem.
This is YOUR decision. You can combine the legal and the ceremonial events, or hold them separately,and at separate times, or hold only one part - the legal wedding or the wedding ceremony. Your officiant will always be happy to discuss these variations with you, and help you through the planning for each.
Big Wedding or Eloping: Printable Version
Should you wear heels? Should you stoop? Are these questions important? We learned recently that 1 in 700 marriages have a taller bride. So - enjoy the uniqueness! And as the mom of a tall bride, I didn't see the relevance of this question until a couple actually asked me. Your height will be the same for your whole life - so I'm not sure what difference it makes at your wedding!
Tall women are wonderful. If you are tall, be tall. The question about heels is either a simple question (how does it go with the dress? Are you more comfortable up or down - it's going to be a long night..) OR a very complicated question (is SOMEONE uncomfortable about a size differential? Does size matter? Is it anyone's business but YOURS?)
This is rather like premarital counseling. If it MATTERS to one of you, do you know how to talk about it? Who decides? Is there any perceived or real unease? These are questions only the two of you can answer - not wedding planners, mothers, girlfriends or buddies. You'll have to ask each other many other harder questions in your life -- about kids, mortgages, birth and death and dirty laundry. Solve this one with understanding, grace and humor - and all will be well.
36 Hours: Central Park, New York - NYTimes.com
We've had several weddings in Central Park this week - in various locations, including the Shakespeare Garden, at Hernshead on the rocks (tho they are doing some renovations) and over at the Dene. We have also held weddings at endless other sites in the park, from the Alice statue, to the zoo, the obelisk, the Minton terrace, the Dairy, the Conservatory Garden (must book, $), the ramble, the Boat House, in a rowboat, at the Castle, and in front of various beloved statues and fountains.
This is a rather nice article on how the park changes through the day, and how you might arrange an entire day in the park, with a wedding, some music, some food, and some sightseeing. The article mentions all the sights linked on the map, below.
"Designed by Frederick Law Olmsted and Calvert Vaux, Central Park’s more than 840 acres are dappled with sculptures, monuments and fountains that tell of the nation’s explorers, artists and heroes, both real and imaginary: Columbus, Beethoven, Duke Ellington, John Lennon, Alice in Wonderland. The park is also home to tennis and handball courts, croquet greens, a carousel, a castle, a marionette theater, a zoo and more than a dozen playgrounds. It is crisscrossed by horse-drawn carriages and
ringed by astronomically priced apartments, luxury hotels and world-class museums. Yet despite its being a kind of three-ring circus,there are quiet trails and hidden nooks, museums and bars within and
around the park where one can find a more tranquil, timeless Manhattan".
1. Conservatory Garden, Central Park.
2. Museum of the City of New York, 1220 Fifth Avenue; mcny.org. Neue Galerie, 1048 Fifth Avenue, neuegalerie.org. Metropolitan Museum of Art Roof Garden Café and Martini Bar, 1000 Fifth Avenue; metmuseum.org/visit.
3. The Rose Club, The Plaza, Fifth Avenue at Central Park South; theplazany.com. Robert, 2 Columbus Circle; robertnyc.com. Time Warner Center, 10 Columbus Circle, theshopsatcolumbuscircle.com.
4. The Ramble, Central Park.
5. North Woods, Central Park.
6. Nougatine, Trump Hotel Central Park, 1 Central Park West; jean-georges.com.
7. American Museum of Natural History, Central Park West at 79th Street; amnh.org. Rose Center for Earth and Space, 81st Street between Central Park West and Columbus Avenue, amnh.org/exhibitions/permanent-exhibitions.
8. Dizzy’s Club Coca-Cola, 10 Columbus Circle; jazz.org/dizzys.php.
9. Tavern on the Green, Central Park West and 67th Street; tavernonthegreen.com.
10. Loeb Boathouse, Central Park; enter at East 72nd Street and Fifth Avenue; thecentralparkboathouse.com.
11. Central Park Zoo, between East 63rd and 66th Streets; centralparkzoo.com.
Think carefully about this question.The important points are:
1) Neither bride nor groom is required to change their surname to get married. (You may remain Jane Pepsi and John Cola). You may keep your original name for professional reasons, family reasons, or because that's who you are.
2) Either bride or groom or both MAY change their surname. (You may both become Mr and Mrs Pepsi-Cola, or Pepsico, or ColaPepsi, or many other variants. John Cola might become John Pepsi.
You might choose to become Mr and Mrs. Dr.Pepper. You might use your former last name as a middle name, aka Hilary Rodham Clinton: Jane Pepsi Cola). But note that only CLINTON or COLA will be the OFFICIAL last name, unless you hyphenate.
3) You do not have to decide to change your name at the time of the wedding. You may change your name(s) any time afterwards - for instance, if you have children.
4) You cannot go BACK and change your actual marriage license if you change your mind at a later date about a new surname: you will have to go through a legal process to make any changes in the future. (Mrs. Pepsi-Cola may not have her marriage license altered to change her name back to Jane Pepsi. But she may make a court petition to change her name back to Jane Pepsi. The marriage license will remain Pepsi-Cola, asthat's what she decided the day she applied for the license).
5) Once you change your legal names, you'll need to change: social security, drivers license, passport, voter registration, (IRS - address change only), vehicle title/ registration, workplace, financial institutions, insurance, medical, utilities, credit cards etc. There are a number of online kits that have forms and detailed instructions on where to send each form (or if you need to make a personal appearance) as well as what additional documentation you'll need.
Therefore, when in doubt, do nothing.
Here is general information, and the regulations vary state by state. family.findlaw.com/
Changing your Name: Printable version
Labels: name change
Very Victorian (but not steampunk) and very delightful.
Here are the poems we used:
Ancient Chinese poem, translation #1:
Take a lump of clay, wet it, pat it,
And make an image of me, and an image of you.
Then smash them, crash them, and add a little water.
Break them and remake them into an image of you
And an image of me.
Then in my clay, there's a little of you.
And in your clay, there's a little of me.
And nothing ever shall us sever;
Living, we'll sleep in the same quilt,
And dead, we'll be buried together.
From Adam Bede by George Eliot,
What greater thing is there for two human souls
than to feel that they are joined for life,
to strengthen each other in all labor,
to rest on each other in all sorrow,
to minister to each other in all pain
to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories
at the moment of the last parting?
(this couple was married by Eileen)
Aren't they great?
The pix is by Kasia Grabek.
We often talk to brides who have 'downsized' and opted for a family wedding, instead of a 'corporate' sized event. For a variety of reasons (cost, travel, family situation, timing, or just unhappiness with the whirlwind of planning a giant wedding) they have decided to pass on the country club, penthouse, loft or wedding palace, and have cut their guest list down to immediate family and close friends (usually 20-80 people, depending upon second cousins).
This brings up a dilemma: should the couple elope? Should they have a small wedding in a chapel or restaurant? How do you find a space for two dozen people, when restaurants have a minimum of 50? What about the dress, the cake, the ceremony -- the presents?
The first decision is whether to elope or to hold a small family wedding. If you want to get away and have a private wedding, it's best to just make arrangements and go for it. If you start including close family members and friends, you've turned the corner to a private wedding. Either way, you can still arrange for a reception back home at a later date, or a second "Wedding Blessing", where the legally married couple can have a ring blessing, a spiritual blessing, a vow renewal, or any combination of rituals you wish, followed by a reception and 'welcome home'. This is becoming a common new/old trend, and we have seen the 'wedding blessing' parties evolve into real celebrations, sometimes a year later than the legal wedding. See our other post on this topic.
But if the point is to involve your parents, or young cousins, or elderly relatives, and you are willing to have a family ceremony, why not 'recreate' the weddings of your grandparents, and be married at home, in the parlour (aka livingroom), or in the backyard, or in a friend's home or someone else's big backyard (or the community park in the bandshell, or the park's recreation center, or even a national park, if it's close by) - and have fun decorating with dollar store tulle and paper lanterns and homemade flower arrangements and candles in jam jars and and pictures of you both as kids on a table with a guestbook, etc.. You could even have a theme (Fiesta, Victorian, Gaslight, Greate Gatsby, MusicMan, Tropical Island) to coordinate dresses and decorations and music.
Find a sympathetic Marriage Officiant who can design a family-friendly ceremony which is dignified but incorporates the family in some way, whether offering readings, or speaking about the couple or the circumstances. Gather the 'parlour' chairs and have most people stand up for the ceremony but seat the elderly in a few rows in the front. The bride (and the groom) can come down the stairs, enter from the bedroom, or drive up in an old fashioned car. After the ceremony (or if coming back from the park - even walking together -- finish with at "at home" reception of potluck dishes or a catered meal with some big centerpieces (a carving station) and lots of vegetarian options. Ask people to bring desserts or cupcakes like a church social, and build a communal cupcake tree. Set up a taverna or speakeasy bar (hire a bartender from the local community college hospitality program and get the proper liquor permit). Live music would be the most fun, with IPOD backup for later in the night. Be sure to invite the neighbours.
Unlike the giant corporate weddings, everyone will be able to talk, and mingle, and have a good time, and everyone will remember it -- and so will you.
We had a park wedding today, in a lovely setting in Central Park, New York City. It had just rained, and the ground was damp, and a few stray twigs were cluttering up the lawn. There were ducks, and birds, and a few squirrels, and kids running around. It was a lovely summer day.
The bride arrived, with her dress clutched up to her chin. For an outdoor park wedding, she wore a heavy satin gown, back laced, with a 5 foot train. We stopped to tie up the bustle, and the train still swept the ground (like a puddle train) at least 2 feet behind. The dress was. going. to. get. dampish. It was clear that the wind was blowing a bit -- disarranging her hair. Everyone fretted and tried to dry off the grass (!). The service was lovely, and eventually she appeared to forget about the wet ground - though an opportunistic bug got under her veil - causing a stage 3 meltdown.
Advice: It's OUTSIDE. There will be WEATHER. There will be DIRT. Maybe pigeon poop. Probably a few bugs. The wind will blow, your shoes will get spattered, your heels will sink into the ground, and your hair will fly away if not laquered. Strange buskers playing instruments and people on roller skates and all sorts of people will pass by and wave at you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you are OUTSIDE.
Outdoor weddings are full of sand and wind and twigs and butterflies (or bees). Go with the flow and you'll be happy. Otherwise - find a nice hotel, book a suite! you'll be alone! -- and you'll keep your train and your wedding shoes clean. Happy Outdoors!
A civil wedding service takes 12-23 minutes. Without the religious bits, but a few nice readings. That's 3 subway stops in New York (and 4 in Toronto). Don't know about Madrid and Boston and Rome.
So you need to be able to LISTEN and STAY WARM and DRY and seriously FOCUSED for half a television show minus the commercials.
Hard to do while sky-diving. But ice skates are OK - and you may already have cheesy organ music. Maybe you could sit on the Zamboni? Bridges and helicopters and boats are tricky. You need to SIGN the license somewhere with a real postal address. But you can have the CEREMONY anywhere non-Google-mapped, and just do the paperwork before or after.
Pick somewhere memorable, where you are either SURROUNDED by lots of people (Central Park, Battery Park, Grand Central, Top of the Rock, or fairly alone - a wilderness park! though the wedding party must be good paddlers). The middling bits are just annoying, as tourists and bystanders stop and make comments. And they take all those pictures of you on their cell phones.
Even in the biggest city, there are oases. There ARE secret places in Central Park. And quiet beaches can be nice at sunset and at dawn. But you might also consider -- YOUR LIVING ROOM! Just move the furniture! Your great-grandmother was probably married at home. It's an easy place to revisit for your anniversary. Get some flowers and new curtains and roll up the rugs. And you've already got your IPOD enhancement system.
Just remember to turn off the TV. I married someone in their Annie Hall like-apartment in NY, and we all stood and hummed the 'wedding march', and the bride came out of the bedroom - but we forgot to turn the TV. Regis showed up in all the pictures.
Or if you have friends who live in Condos, start asking about their party rooms - some are on the top floors and have smashing views. We had a lovely wedding in a borrowed penthouse party room, and catered the WHOLE THING with Fresh Direct, cake and all. More money for the wine, you see?
Printable version: Green Wedding Location ideas
It. was. hot.
We had several lovely weddings this weekend, but I was quite worried about the grooms in the 95 degree heat. The brides were in summer chiffon, strapless linen, and even barefoot before and after the ceremony.
But what happened to summer suits? A lot of grooms were 'brick red' in the heat. It's true, you need your jacket for the frigid restaurant after a park wedding, but only one groom was in a light jacket. Lighten up, gentlemen! Though some people are afraid of summer suits:
"The most important rule is to not look like you work in an ice cream truck...For the most part, white suits should be avoided. They tend to be impractical— because they get dirty so easily.. Unless it is a beautifully tailored suit made of the finest linen or cotton, and you are a Southern trial lawyer, like Gregory Peck in To Kill a Mockingbird, or a 19th century British colonial administrator, they should be strenuously avoided" Well. so says Business Week.
Or perhaps people are thinking of this poem, by Liam Rector
"Fat Southern men in their summer suits,
Usually with suspenders, love to sweat
Into and even through their coats,
Taking it as a matter of honor to do so,
Especially when the humidity gets as close
As it does each Southern summer..."
But it seems inflexible: Weddings and Funerals - dark suits rule. It's SERIOUS stuff, requires gravitas.
Here's a great post about bygone Summer Whites - see the wonderful Great Gatsby wedding picture.
So, lighten up! Be brave. Be retro. Be ethnic. Be Graham Greene. Try the poplin, seersucker, linen, pintail, silk -- don't just buy a new TIE, have fun with the few options open to men, and be sure to coordinate with the bride - so your stripes don't overshadow her chiffon. And it's true, linen and rain and sweat aren't friends. But poplin is great, and nice Merchant Ivory style Indian Cotton Shirts. Hair is playing in Central Park this summer, after all.
Lots of people have been contacting us about this meme lately (NBC, WSJ, EMPIRE NEWS)
. Some people even called this a "gorilla wedding". Hah! We decided to write some RULES!
1) If you've invited over 20 people, ALWAYS try to get a permit for a location, or talk to Security IN ADVANCE. Check out the location on the same day of the week ahead of time, and see who you will be bothering. NEVER try to do a large wedding without a permit, or the poor security guards will have to act. It's their JOB, and your wedding will be ruined. DO NOT SWARM museums, stores, monuments.
2) DO NOT BLOCK public thoroughfares - streets or pedestrian walkways, like the Brooklyn Bridge, The Highline, The Piers. Take your wed PIX on those places, but don't tell 50 people to crash it and be obnoxious.
3) For a crowd, consider holding a "surprise" wedding, not a guerilla / flashmob. Invite people to a bar, club, your house, your condo party room, to a restaurant, for drinks, an engagement party, whatever. Then invite us in, we'll ask people to gather round the bar, and we'll have a lovely fun surprise wedding. BUT ALWAYS TELL YOUR MOTHER. You don't want her to faint, or go to the washroom crying because you didn't care enough to tell her.
4) If you're outside, it's NATURE. Don't bring chairs, high heels, gazebos, balloons, amps. It's not a theme park, it's real. Stand in a circle, be respectful, take nothing, leave nothing. remember Smokey the Bear.
5) Rent a double-decker bus, and you can take the wedding party with you, get married on the top, get off for pix. Don't swarm.
6) Just go have a picnic on Coney Island. Then, pop out the flowers, play some live guitar, whip out your wildflower bouquet, change into your polkadot party dress and get married. Then play badminton.
7) Black tie? Rent a private dining room in a restaurant. Tell them it's a 'private party' (don't say "wedding"), ask for champagne, ask everyone to stand, ask the Officiant to come to the front table and 'ta da' - "May I have your attention? Would you all now rise for the -- wedding of Miles and Morris!"
8) Rent a tourboat. Or rent some rowboats in the park and row to the middle and watch from the boat.
9) Or rent roller skates or ice skates and do a deal with the rink people between the zambonis to have a little 10 minute centre ice event. Then, you'd better skate!
10) For a larger, surprise wedding, we do a lot of weddings at existing public events - holidays, birthday parties, festivals where people have already assembled to celebrate. Just ADD a wedding. We have married couples on public holidays before the fireworks, at halloween parties, at dawn on a holiday morning when the traffic is zero and the mist is rising on the Brooklyn bridge. Those are times when people are off work, and ready to GO somewhere for an event anyway. So make use of existing gatherings -- Getting the drift? Don't be a flashmob queen. You aren't IMPROV EVERYWHERE. This isn't a Youtube video. Think of others. Don't abuse public spaces. Don't make the poor security schmuck have to intervene. Don't impose your party on other people. If it's a crowd, then either RENT a space, outside or inside (be creative!) and you don't have to tell people the spot in advance, if you want to be mysterious. And you can still be casual and use card-tables and beach blankets and a pickup band and sparklers and jam jars of flowers - but don't TAKE OVER public spaces with your mob.
And for a guerilla ELOPEMENT, be discreet and fun. Speak quietly. Stand in a circle, away from the rush. Concentrate on each other and what you are saying. Choose your words and vows carefully. It's your wedding - not a punk'd prank. Enjoy, and be happy.
When we're planning a ceremony, we frequently encounter couples who insist on "bare bones" - they usually say "we're shy", or "we don't like fuss", or "we don't like public speaking". Of course we try and follow the couples wishes, and create a ceremony that they want. We have 'bare bones' ceremonies you can use, and we can design a very simple, quick ceremony for you. I have also timed out how fast a ceremony goes, just so you can get an idea.
However, I often get a comment that "the ceremony went by just too fast". I'm not surprised. When you're trying to AVOID those long weddings you've been at where the talking is interminable, it seems like a good idea to cut everything but the essentials - 'do you?, yep,I do', then 'take this ring, I pronounce, kiss, hello new couple, and let's open the wine...'
However, here is a post from other bridal blog, where the bride discusses her surprise that wedding may have been 'too short', and it lacked the involvement of the people who had been invited:
Something that really surprised me about our wedding, is that the ceremony went by waaaaay too fast. This is because it was short-short-short. Intentionally. Ben and I are not terribly sentimental people. We find that our love and commitment is expressed on a daily basis, and while it was important to us to make this commitment in the eyes of our community of friends and family, we did not want it to be a big production. Short and sweet and on to the party pu-lease. BUT, I found that because it went by so fast, it was hard to take it in. I did not have time to look out at the faces of my guests, of our families and take in these little joys. [I was too busy crying like a baby and trying to get through my vows!] I suppose some sort of audience [is that the right word?] interaction part of the ceremony might have helped that."
We often suggest that the ideal length for an informal, stand-up small wedding is about 16-18 minutes. That includes the introduction and welcome, a reading or two (lighthearted and simple), a mention of those present and those who could not be there, and usually, an offer for the guests to support the couple and wish them well. In fact, this sequence often takes the place of giving away which is an antiquated tradition.
Even if your wedding is small and informal, it's still your MARRIAGE ceremony. Take a moment, and think about what you would like. Your officiant will be able to take care of the writing and speaking, so you really don't have to memorize anything or do any public talking that is difficult. But consider what you would like to say or have said, who you would like to mention, how to include any friends or family in your brief ceremony (presenting the rings? reading a short passage or letter from an absent guest? holding your rings to 'warm them with their love' before presenting them? offering a short musical piece, either a cappella singing or instrumental, signing the license and marriage certificate as part of the ceremony, etc.). You can always edit the ceremony BACK, but you can't extend it once you're set - and give yourself time to breathe and focus and enjoy the ceremony and make it meaningful to YOU as well as to your guests. That's what it's all about.
".....My husband and I got married on the beach back in September with all of our friends and family in attendance. After mailing in our license, we learned that our officiant was not registered in the State of New York and so our marriage was not legally recognized. Now we need to get married legally and are looking for a registered officiant to perform the required ceremony and sign the paper work.
All the wedding grannies are registered officiants in New York City AND New York State, and we're happy to confirm this -
It's simple. These are ballpark figures for a simple Central park wedding (or Brooklyn Bridge, etc.) We have heard HORROR STORIES of simple park weddings that are far above these rates. Be watchful. All you really need to do is pay an officiant's fee, and a $25 permit. DON'T PAY MORE!
Park Permit - Apply Online, $25. You can often have this mailed to your officiant's address.
You just go down and pick it up together 24 hours before the wedding. Simple. No-one needs to GO WITH YOU. All you are doing is showing your ID and purchasing the license.
Marriage Officiant - Fee varies, generally $300-400 depending on requirements, time, location. Photographer - Fee varies, depending on amount of time and how pictures are processed and delivered. Shop around! Ask your officiant for a photographer they have worked with.
Flowers: Pick them up at corner florist or go down to Chelsea.
If you go up to the Observation Deck at Rockefeller Center, you will need to pay the admission/elevator fee for your wedding party, and the officiant. The Conservatory Garden and the Brooklyn Bridge Park (parts of it) may be more expensive. But the permit for all others parks is only $25.00
And yes, a tip is always appreciated.
Permits: Brooklyn Bridge Park
OK everyone, I guess too many people starting following us
Please note: As of December 1, 2011, there is a new non-refundable fee of $400 for wedding ceremonies held at Brooklyn Bridge Park. Please see details below.
- Wedding ceremonies can be held at the Pier 1 Waterfront Promenade/Granite Prospect, Empire Fulton Ferry boardwalk, and Main Street pebble beach only.
- Fees: there is a $400 non-refundable site fee for all wedding ceremonies, in addition to the $25 non-refundable application fee.
- 2 wedding permits are issued per location per day: one between 8am and 2pm, another between 2pm and 8pm.
- No equipment can be used for weddings at Brooklyn Bridge Park (i.e., staging, microphones, tables, podiums, tents, amplified music).
- A maximum of 5 folding chairs can be brought for elderly or infirm guests.
- Wedding ceremonies cannot exceed 1.5 hours and may have a maximum of 100 guests.
- Pier 1 waterfront promenade: weddings must occur as a standing event and may only be held on the southern section of the Granite Prospect. At all times a path must be maintained on the waterfront promenade that allows for through access by the general public.
Well, I actually haven't seen an actual instance of 'giving away' for years. But the question still arises from time to time. People also confuse the procession (walking down the aisle) with 'giving away'. Of course modern brides often walk down the aisle by themselves, or with both parents, or their mom, or sometimes even enter with the groom. Regardless, you can give the person you are walking with a kiss and hug and proceed to the ceremony space yourself, of course.
But it is still nice to ask the family/friends for their support for your marriage, as you invited them to the ceremony because you presumably wanted their participation in this important event. So if you want to formalized their support, here's a bit of ceremony to add:
FAMILY/FRIENDS CEREMONY of SUPPORT
[takes the place of 'giving away the bride', a remnant of dowries and arranged marriages. In some cultures, there are actually 'sponsors' of the bride and groom, who are expected to act as a kind of 'godparent' through their married lives, offering support and assistance. In some other cultures, the family expresses their happiness that the bride and groom are leaving their family homes and establishing their own home together. Regardless, this is a way to 'break the fourth wall' (in theatrespeak) and ask your guests to participate in your ceremony. If you're holding a public ceremony, as opposed to eloping, it's assumed you'd like your guests to feel involved - so go for it. It's a nice alternative to the "who gives this woman to be married to this man?" question.
[May ask family members to stand, or join in a circle, or may simply address the guests together. You may use your own words]
As we gather here to join ___ and ___ in marriage. It is fitting that you, the families [and/or] friends of ___ and ___ be here to witness and to participate in their wedding, for the ideals, the understanding, and the mutual respect which they bring to their marriage have their roots in the love, friendship, support [and guidance] you have given them.
or, to parents:
As our sons and daughters (and/or friends) find partners and found homes for the next generation, each family (each group of friends) is enriched and enlarged.
This couple, ____ and _____, will need your love and support in the future, not only on this special day. Do you now offer your support and best wishes for this couple, wishing them the best of lives together? [If so, please answer "We do"]
We have a few more ceremony ideas on our website: weddingsofnewyork.com, including a selection of readings/vows which feature equal partnerships between the couples.
Here is a list of modern wedding vows, which feature equality and commitment.
I especially like this Irish wedding vow:
You cannot possess me for I belong to myself
But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give.
You cannot command me for I am a free person.
But I shall serve you in those ways you require
And the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand.
I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night.
and the eyes into which I smile in the morning.
I pledge to you the first bite from my meat.
And the first drink from my cup.
I pledge to you my living, and my dying, equally in your care.
And tell no strangers our grievances.
This is my wedding vow to you
This is a marriage of equals.
and this one:
I [Name] take you,[Name],
to be no other than yourself
loving what I know of you
trusting what I do not yet know
with respect for your integrity
and faith in your love for me
through all our years
and in all that life may bring us.
In some cultures, the bride and groom change clothes for each separate element of a traditional wedding. I once witnessed a bride changing three times for a Chinese wedding, and also a Korean wedding. However, THIS wedding is astounding. Four changes, four ceremonies, 1000 people at the banquet - the horse, the band, the lion dancers -- it makes you want to scream "elope, already!" I hope they had a good party.
We have conducted several weddings which blended cultural traditions. As we specialize in non-religious weddings, we have sometimes co-officiated with religious clergy (an imam, a deacon, a rabbi), so that appropriate blessings and ceremonies could be performed by religious clergy. We handled the civil, legal parts. Or the bride and groom have had a religious ceremony or a private tea ceremony earlier in the day, and then we performed the civil ceremony in the western tradition. But many traditions are cultural, not religious. So we have also incorporated the arrhae, the cord and the veil from Filipino (Spanish) traditions, the fire ceremony, the 7 blessings, the wine blessing, the bread and salt, the tea and saki ceremony, handfasting, and many other lovely traditions in our standard ceremony. Write us if you're interested.
In some cases, it's possible to blend the ceremonies together. So once we included the garlanding of the bride, the 7 steps (fire ceremony) and the Filipino rope ceremony in one simple outdoor ritual of walking around a wedding candle, while the bride and groom were covered in a chain of flowers draped in an infinity (8) pattern. It suited the parents and the couple, and was lovely. But you can do this in a small family wedding or with even a handful of people. If you want the BIG FAT MULTICULTURAL wedding - better start looking for the horses.
Five Museum Restaurants Worth Visiting Even If You Don't See Any Art
So - here are some ideas for a wedding dinner - why not get married in Central Park, and then visit these restaurants for your celebration:
Robert at MAD: The food served in the restaurant atop the Museum of Arts and Design at Columbus Circle is just fine, but whatever. Because the views at this very mod American restaurant are truly spectacular. Seriously, if you are in the neighborhood it is worth going up just to get a drink at the bar so you can stare out over the expanse of Central Park.
Same-sex marriage passes in New York Senate
Breaking: Shortly before 10 pm on June 24, 2011, the New York State Senate voted 36-26 to approve same-sex marriage. The bill had already passed in the heavily Democratic state assembly by a lopsided vote of 82-47, and Governor Andrew Cuomo has promised to sign it.
Hurrah! And here is Mary officiating at a couple of same sex weddings when up in Toronto, and we can finally say that same sex marriage will soon to be coming to your neighbourhood in New York!
Labels: same sex weddings